Wife finds unwavering support from women online after her husband doesn't help her bring in the groceries: ‘When finally the door was opened it was by my 7-year-old…'

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  • "AITH for being mad [that my] husband doesn’t help bring in groceries?"

    Today after work I shopped for dinner and stuff we need. Hubs knows I'm on the way home. It's freezing out. I come up, no light on porch, door locked (he knows I don't have key today) and when I know my 7 yr old answers. He's laying on the couch. Doesn't get up to help me in holding tons of stuff.
  • Asks my daughter to close the door I say don't I have more stuff. He doesn't get up. Let's me struggle with door, several trips u too my fingers are so cold I have to drop my stuff I can't even hold tightly to put down easy. He just looks at me smiling. I try hard to contain my anger and he asks about my face.
  • I'm not even looking at him at all because I know I'm mad and I'm not trying to pop off or have an attitude. I ask nicely if he's feeling ok. He says yeah but he's watching tv. Now he's asleep while I make dinner after being at work allIIII day.
  • Stuff like this is common, but maybe I'm being aj ? He didn't work today. Kids have only been home since 4 pm (it's 6pm) so he was gaming and stuff all day. Did a little laundry which was left on the table not put away. Tell me I'm justified in being mad and confronting him? Or should I wait for my anger to subside first like I do 99% of the time?
  • Edit details I forgot - we're both late 30s have 2 kids one has severe social needs. I work full time, he has a business he works in like part time but it doesn't bring home anything except pays for our cell phones and internet at home.
  • I confronted him and he said I came jn and he could tell I was annoyed immediately which made him annoyed. I told him yeah I was annoyed, the porch was dark the door was locked etc etc. and when finally the door was opened it was by my 7 year old and he was like ten feet away laying on the couch. In
  • my option of it were me, the moment I heard the car pull up or at least the door jiggle I would have jumped up turned it on opened the door, said sh sorry let me help you....and helped. I had a right to be annoyed. He just said ok after all my comments and that was it. Now
  • he's pouting and won't eat the food I made. Just went to bed left me to do bedtime alone. He put sheets on my son's bed first, to be fair. But if I just went to bed and left him to do ED and things alone he'd be P wouldn't hesitate to tell me as much. So many things are ok for him to do but not me.
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  • UPDATE:

    [deleted] OP I'm seeing a little more clearly folks, thank you. I'm not going to leave but I am going to start telling him what he should be doing instead of waiting for him to morph into an adult. If he chooses not to follow my lead then it will be on him if he leaves. It's hard because the is isn't really my personality most of the time (prob because I fear turning into my mother) but I think I can still treat my husband and family with compassion and love without letting them walk all over me
  • Visible... "Stuff like this is common" = NTA Stop doing everything for this lump
  • kevnmartin This reminds me of a little exchange I once had with my husband in front of our eight year old. I came in from work, after he had the day off. I was struggling to get my coat off, set down my bag and purse and he goes "What are we having for dinner" I looked at him and said "Is that how you think this works? On days I don't work and you work, I make dinner. On days where I work and you work, I make dinner but on days where I work and you don't work, I still make dinner?" The kid pipes
  • Emotional-Cash5378 NTA He sounds completely useless. Is he? Does he bring anything to the table other than stress & more work? It's time to stop stifling your anger & give him a taste of it. In a way he's showing you that you can do everything yourself, there is no need for him anymore. The start of a new year is a perfect time to throw out all the useless sh in your life!
  • Miserable-Pumpkin453 Waiting for your anger to subside 99% of the time is why you're at this point and I am not blaming you at - all, but pointing out that his selfish and childish behavior will continue if you stuff it down. He should already be aware of all that you do, but maybe you need to spell it out for this man-child. Sit down and set some clear expectations and fair division of household labor. You are not his mom!
  • And hold your ground! Do not let him try to pull that weaponized incompetence BS on you. He is a grown and capable adult - and a father! He needs to grow up and take on a fair share of responsibilities. NTA!
  • BobThelnept NTA - The cherry on top is "I feel fine but I'm watching TV" Like, it sounds like he admits he knew you needed help and didn't because TV?
  • CryptographerMost952 I cannot STAND men like this. And idc if he worked or not. His a eats, can help carry it in. his a
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  • Signal_Violinist_995 Wait for your anger to subside some, but this isn't a one incident thing - it seems he doesn't appreciate all you do and he is lazy af. Sit him down, hand him a chore chart like a kid since he is acting like one.
  • vikingraider27 I do think that you should wait and formulate what you need to say, but also, it needs to be said, and firmly. And it's not just about the groceries, it's that you seem to have a spare child in the house and no partner. NTA
  • Playing Outside Definitely have a conversation with him about it, but wait until you've had a chance to calm down so you can discuss things without getting angry. I'm guessing you have other issues in your marriage and that this isn't the first time something like this has happened. If this has been ongoing for some time, perhaps consider couples counseling.
  • Shefallsalot I'm going to hold your hand when I say this...stop helping him be incompetent. If this is common behavior, baby, I'm gonna match that energy. No more , no more washing HIS dishes, doing HIS laundry or cleaning up after him. He can get the kids to bed while you take a bath then go to sleep. F that sh. You're a single parent with three kids at this point.

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